Events from last week's shootings in Newtown, CT have given people all across America and the world lots to think and talk about. I am no exception. But, perhaps my thoughts might be a tad different from some.
See, I can relate from both sides of this story. Having been a Kindergarten teacher, with a classroom that was literally the first room in the building, I get tears in my eyes thinking about what the children, teachers and staff went thru.The one video of the teacher who hid with all her students in the tiny bathroom... that really got to me. I, and all of my teacher friends, love the students. Truly. Heartbreaking.
Upon hearing of the news of the gunman and the family, I immediately had compassion for them. I have spent the last several years trying to convince myself, and accept, that my children's actions/behaviors are not a reflection of me. I can control what they say and do no more than a mother can keep her baby from throwing up or peeing. It's in them and it's going to come out.
I think the difference is that Rick and I have always pursued avenues to help L and J deal with their issues as healthily as possible, learn strategies to help them cope, have consequences that help them learn from their mistakes, hold them accountable for their decisions/actions/words. I refuse to hide in shame and stigma for brain disorders that my children have had since birth, illnesses that will last for their ENTIRE lives. That's why I'm so vocal about our struggles.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not blaming Adam Lanza's mom. Yes, things sound weird about what may have gone on in the home, but truly we have no idea. I bet many of you would be shocked to learn some of the things Rick and I have had to deal with.
Have you seen the article on the web, titled "I am Adam Lanza's mom". If you haven't, google it. This mom does a great job of explaining what parents of kids with mental illness go thru, let alone the children. After reading the article out loud to Rick, we looked at each other in silence for a minute and then Rick said, "Uh, THAT sounds familiar!". He's right, About 60-70 % of the situations this mom talks about we've experienced ourselves. And, unless you know us well, you probably wouldn't know this or even think it possible. Our children, in the safety zone of their own home, really exhibit their worst behaviors. It's scary.
When Josh was 4 and in preschool he started really showing signs of anxiety and anger. He had panic attacks and outburst often. He didn't hurt anyone but I know his tantrums took his teachers back. Believe it or not, one of his teachers, in trying to express her concern, told me that she wouldn't be surprised if Josh grew up to be like Dylan Klebold or Eric Harris. Or Adam Lanza. That's never left me, kinda scarred me really. I know what she meant to say but her words really stung.
Sometimes I'm really glad that Lauren is not a boy. She has a bad temper and if she had testosterone in her system...
Lauren does not show ANY signs of acting out towards others, only towards the person she is dealing with and is not letting her have her way. That person is usually me or Rick. It gets incredibly weary but I'm glad she doesn't lash out at strangers.
I bet that is what Adam Lanza's mom thought too. God only knows what hell she has gone thru with him - all the while trying to love him, care for him, get him help, home school him when public school didn't work (like it doesn't for many of us) and be the best mom she could be. Ok, you might say that she seemed pretty out there herself. I can tell you, with absolute surety, that that mother has been put thru things she never ever dreamed of when she held her newborn, sweet little baby, named Adam. The fallout from mental illness is enough to break a person pretty quickly and easily. I know this from experience.
I guess, all I'm trying to say is, while you mourn the lost lives of 26 people, have some empathy and understanding for Adam Lanza and his family. That family could be your neighbors, your friends from church, your co-workers, YOU!
So, as Christmas approaches, please be in prayer and thought about all 27 people, the 20 little souls, 6 courageous adults, and Adam Lanza, in CT, that grieving community, other families dealing with mental illness and our country, as it tries to learn a lesson from this tragedy.
Merry Christmas and Peace on Earth!
See, I can relate from both sides of this story. Having been a Kindergarten teacher, with a classroom that was literally the first room in the building, I get tears in my eyes thinking about what the children, teachers and staff went thru.The one video of the teacher who hid with all her students in the tiny bathroom... that really got to me. I, and all of my teacher friends, love the students. Truly. Heartbreaking.
Upon hearing of the news of the gunman and the family, I immediately had compassion for them. I have spent the last several years trying to convince myself, and accept, that my children's actions/behaviors are not a reflection of me. I can control what they say and do no more than a mother can keep her baby from throwing up or peeing. It's in them and it's going to come out.
I think the difference is that Rick and I have always pursued avenues to help L and J deal with their issues as healthily as possible, learn strategies to help them cope, have consequences that help them learn from their mistakes, hold them accountable for their decisions/actions/words. I refuse to hide in shame and stigma for brain disorders that my children have had since birth, illnesses that will last for their ENTIRE lives. That's why I'm so vocal about our struggles.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not blaming Adam Lanza's mom. Yes, things sound weird about what may have gone on in the home, but truly we have no idea. I bet many of you would be shocked to learn some of the things Rick and I have had to deal with.
Have you seen the article on the web, titled "I am Adam Lanza's mom". If you haven't, google it. This mom does a great job of explaining what parents of kids with mental illness go thru, let alone the children. After reading the article out loud to Rick, we looked at each other in silence for a minute and then Rick said, "Uh, THAT sounds familiar!". He's right, About 60-70 % of the situations this mom talks about we've experienced ourselves. And, unless you know us well, you probably wouldn't know this or even think it possible. Our children, in the safety zone of their own home, really exhibit their worst behaviors. It's scary.
When Josh was 4 and in preschool he started really showing signs of anxiety and anger. He had panic attacks and outburst often. He didn't hurt anyone but I know his tantrums took his teachers back. Believe it or not, one of his teachers, in trying to express her concern, told me that she wouldn't be surprised if Josh grew up to be like Dylan Klebold or Eric Harris. Or Adam Lanza. That's never left me, kinda scarred me really. I know what she meant to say but her words really stung.
Sometimes I'm really glad that Lauren is not a boy. She has a bad temper and if she had testosterone in her system...
Lauren does not show ANY signs of acting out towards others, only towards the person she is dealing with and is not letting her have her way. That person is usually me or Rick. It gets incredibly weary but I'm glad she doesn't lash out at strangers.
I bet that is what Adam Lanza's mom thought too. God only knows what hell she has gone thru with him - all the while trying to love him, care for him, get him help, home school him when public school didn't work (like it doesn't for many of us) and be the best mom she could be. Ok, you might say that she seemed pretty out there herself. I can tell you, with absolute surety, that that mother has been put thru things she never ever dreamed of when she held her newborn, sweet little baby, named Adam. The fallout from mental illness is enough to break a person pretty quickly and easily. I know this from experience.
I guess, all I'm trying to say is, while you mourn the lost lives of 26 people, have some empathy and understanding for Adam Lanza and his family. That family could be your neighbors, your friends from church, your co-workers, YOU!
So, as Christmas approaches, please be in prayer and thought about all 27 people, the 20 little souls, 6 courageous adults, and Adam Lanza, in CT, that grieving community, other families dealing with mental illness and our country, as it tries to learn a lesson from this tragedy.
Merry Christmas and Peace on Earth!
