72!

So, I said I would write about marriage, Rainey style. We've been married for over 23 years now, and it definitely has not been easy. In fact, at times I wasn't sure we would make it. And, at the same time, it's been THE BEST relationship I've ever had with another human being and I wouldn't trade it for the world!

When Rick and I met, I was a very different person then. My family can attest to this. It was 1984, my sophomore year of college at UT in Austin. I was not as shy as I was my freshman year but I was still very timid about life and my part in it.

Rick was handsome, funny, charming, did I mention handsome and funny? Yes, I laughed a little too hard at his humor, but sometimes it was because I didn't even understand the reference or joke. I wasn't dumb, just quite sheltered. We'd only been in the US for 2 years, and before that my hometown of Parry Sound, Canada was 5,000 population, we had 3 channels with an antenna/rotar, and our movie theatre played 1 movie for 2 weeks, before the next one came.

Rick introduced me to all kinds of music, like Chicago, U2, etc, more than just the stuff on MTV, back when MTV played music! I saw movies like Clockwork Orange (um, quite shocking for me), Alfred Hitchcock films, the Maltese Falcon, Blade Runner and more. Of course I loved music and movies but my repertoire was more of a pop culture thing.

I learned to better understand and like baseball, have watched every Jim Carrey movie out there (multiple times {SIGH}) and love to eat at James Coney Island and Chik-fil-la all because of this "boy"!

I think the biggest thing Rick did for me was give me confidence. Confidence that I was worth loving, that I had good thoughts, that I was someone worth knowing and listening to. I was severely lacking in these areas and Rick gave me a great gift. In fact he may have created a monster!! I actually still struggle with confidence, but many of you wouldn't know it. Right? Go ahead, it's okay to agree. I know!

I think, in a way, we've switched places. He was the outgoing, funny, social one and I was more reserved, afraid to let people know who I was, very concerned about what people thought of me. Now, I don't mean we've done a complete reversal. I just happen to be the more outgoing, positive, outspoken one and Rick is more reserved. He's not quite sure how i manage to stike up a conversation with people in public and come away knowing that the lady in line at the grocery store has a child with Asperger's, the salesperson at Macy's has a friend whose daughter went to school with Josh or that the pest control guy used to live in the neighborhood of the school I taught in and his neighbor's kid was in my class and is now in college! I know. I'm weird.

Somehow, throughout all of our trials, tribulations, crises, ups and downs, we've managed to stay together. The odds aren't in our favor. Did you know that approx. 80% of marriages fail if just one of the children has a serious mental illness? After all we've gone through, I think it's a miracle were still together.

Thank God for Carol & Steve LaBonte, Dr. Roche and Dr. Tarnow. Because of these fine professionals we've learned to communicate, understand each other and deal better with each others' weaknesses. We've taught each other a lot! I think Rick may have learned more than he ever wanted to know! There's this look that comes over his face, where his eyes glaze over, mouth has this funny tilt to it and I realize that if I don't stop and explain, or just plain stop, he may start to drool.

Or, there are the times when I'm frustrated and have learned, most of the time, to not bite Rick's head off. Like when he can't find something in the pantry. I say "It's on the 3rd shelf from the bottom, on the left side, between the rice and the Mac n' Cheese," and he still can't find it. I walk over, point to it and he swears he looked there.

I think the most important thing about staying married is that you BOTH want the marriage to work more than you want to be right. When we argue and I know I'm wrong I want to apologize, well, most of the time, because I would rather be on the same page with Rick than stand my ground. Not easy, just simple. Put WE ahead of ME.

72. Never had the number 72 tell more about people than during the past few months. Rick and I no longer have to share our anniversary with Kim Kardashian and her newest ex. The number 72, in relation to the number of DAYS they were married, tells us a lot about their character, doesn't it?

How about 72 years! That's almost how long Rick's grandparents, Mema and Papa, have been married. We heard an interesting story about what went on with them on Christmas Day.

So, Papa makes these awesome sweet, hot pickles. He makes them, Mema puts them in jars and they were giving them to some people for presents. Apparently, a few days before Christmas, Papa dropped a jar of pickles, cleaned it up the best he could, being 94 yrs old AND being a man. A day or two later, Mema, who's 90, steps on something sticky, aaaaaand, she's off.....

She's mad that Papa didn't clean it up to her satisfaction, that a jar broke in the first place and that now she's convinced that when Papa broke the other jar, glass shards flew all over and that now there's glass in the sealed pickles jars, on a shelf 5 feet off the ground. Ah, yep! Don't ask! Just trust me that she really believed there was glass in the other unopened pickle jars.

Apparently, this arguement occurs at home, then continues during Christmas dinner and picks up where they left off back at their home later that evening. Rick's uncle gets a frantic phone call from Mema, saying she's locked herself in the bathroom because Papa has gone crazy. Randy heads over and is greeted at the door by Papa, in his jammies, having no clue what's going on. Randy got Mema out of the bathroom, she said they were arguing about the pickles and that Papa couldn't take Mema's nagging any more and he wanted a divorce. Going on 72 years of marriage and he wanted a divorce! Randy worked his magic, as he always does, Papa agreed to calm down and stop scaring Mema, so she wouldn't have to hide in the bathroom, and Mema agreed to not nag Papa so much. They kissed and all was well!

72. It can tell you a lot. I hope we make it to 72. We just might!

Love you, Ricky. You stud-muffin, you!

Stand By - There's More to Come

Some posts that will make their blog debut in the near feature:

* some winter/snow awesome memories

* marriage, Rainey style

* update on our kids

* whatever else creeps into this wild brain of mine!

Ta Ta for now.

Like Unzipped Pair of Jeans! Aahhhhhh!

Did you know we're moving? Yes, tis true! To a colony. Check it out...

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=thp4KhiXe0s"
YouTube > Colony-of-Losers.com presents "Come out, Come Out Wherever You Are"

Thanks to my cousin, Neil, for sharing with me!

It's been weird since Josh went to Utah. We went from many people having no idea the extent of Josh's mental illness, bipolar disorder, to being completely open about his and Lauren's struggles. We just talk about it as if it's a common place thing. And, actually, it is!

*"Approximately 57.7 million Americans experience a mental health disorder in a given year. One in 17 lives with a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, major depression or bipolar disorder and about one in 10 children live with a serious mental or emotional disorder"

*NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) www.nami.org

There is a freedom that's come from sharing with others about our life. I don't feel the stigma of mental illness on our family. I feel unburdened. Unashamed. Understood better. Don't get me wrong. I'm not, nor have ever been, ashamed of my children. I love them to pieces. I know you know that.

I guess it's like wearing a tight article of clothing. You feel okay wearing it, but when you unzip or take it off, you realize how constricted you were. I feel like a stomach "coming out" of an unzippered pair of jeans. Free!

Free to be just who and what we are, as a family, as parents, as human beings. Not holed up in our house afraid to talk about our issues, afraid that we'd be a total drag to our friends because we have nothing but our screwed up lives to share (Come on, you know it's true. You ARE afraid to ask 'How's it going?') hehehe!

But, I haven't been totally honest. I know you LOVE IT when I'm totally honest, right!!!

It's not just my kids that are moving to the colony. It's me too. Ive suffered with major depression for a few years now. At first, we (me, Rick, Dr. Roche, Dr. Tarnow) thought it was situational. I mean who wouldn't be out of their mind living our life! It's been a battle since 1995, getting worse in 2003, and really been a "neverending pit of crap" since 2007! 'Tis true, I'm afraid to say. So true.

Who knows! Maybe one day I won't feel depressed. Not holding my breath here. In this case, the apple didn't fall far from the tree with my parents, to me and to the kids. Um, to Rick's family... you're DNA is not off the hook either! :) Regardless of where "It" came from, we've just gotta deal. Like I've said before, MENTAL ILLNESS SUCKS!

But, I know my kids and I are not the only ones. There are a lot of people out there going thru some of,or worse than, our struggles.

So... like Michael Kimber says 'COME OUT, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE'! The colony is certainly not always the best or easiest community to live in, but you won't be alone, you've got some pretty awesome neighbors and you might just be inspired! AND, no tight jeans are allowed!