STIGMA - A Four Letter Word with a Few Extra Thrown in There

Stigma - I hate that word! But, I have to admit, I must fight the stigma of mental health issues within myself.

Lauren had a setback at home today. I won't go into details because that's not the issue. The issue is that my first impression is to NOT TALK ABOUT IT, HIDE IT FROM EVERYONE. There is a part of me that is embarrassed to post this. That's the stigma part. But the advocate in me is stronger! Much stronger!

The advocate in me says "Would I be embarrassed if my child had cancer and had a low blood count? What about if my child's tumor had new cell growth, or if her C125 marker was elevated?"

Of course, the answer is no! No one is at fault for having symptoms of their disease raise their ugly head. You don't blame a person for their body chemistry and biological responses. Lauren can no more control her neurons mis-firing or her brain chemistry being out of whack than a child with leukemia can help going out of remission.

What? How dare I compare my child to a child with leukemia? Am I not sensitive enough to know that children die of leukemia? Well, let me tell you some facts:

* children diagnosed with leukemia these days have less than a 10% chance of dying; I'm not undermining it, 10% is horrific!

* children diagnosed with brain disorders and mental illness (such as bipolar, ADHD, schizophrenia, depression, etc) have approx. 17% chance of death, due to suicide, risky behavior, impulsive decision making, drug & alcohol overdose

* children diagnosed with leukemia can be cured

* children diagnosed with brain disorders and mental illness can NEVER be cured; they must learn to cope, self-manage their disorders for the rest of their lives

* all of these children endure painful blood tests, medical procedures and scans, medications that give them side effects, hospitalizations (except if kids with mental illness are hospitalized for their disorder their parents don't get to spend the night, parents have to leave them there, alone, and usually have limited daily/weekly visits)

* have you ever seen a community fundraiser to raise funds for a family dealing with mental illness; dealing with mental health issues are very expensive and are not paid the same as biological issues, even though they are (the brain is an organ, right?)

* there is no Make-A-Wish foundation for our children

* there are no balloons, or get well wishes or prayer vigils for our children

* people don't like to talk about mental illness or brain disorders even though it is just a disease of the brain

Hmmm, do I sound a little bitter? I ask myself that as I type and the answer is.... no. No, because I don't wish anyone else ill will. I'm not dwelling in self pity. I'm not even saying I wish my kids didn't have their diseases. I'm not bitter, I'm determined. Determined that my children will have the best lives they can, the best that Rick and I can give them with ALL that we have to deal with every day. Their diseases (really it's more of a family's disease/effort) are our main focus in life. Other than our focus on God, the One that has and will continue to lead us through this life.

Sometimes I pray for Lauren and Josh to be healed completely. I have to ask! Jesus performed miracles and why not for my kids! Most of the time, I'm just asking for the strength and faith to continue on our journey, calm or rough as it may be. Being Lauren and Josh's mom has made me a better mother, wife and a better person. They have challenged me (oh boy, have they ever) to rise way above what I thought I could ever do and stay there for months on end.

I am who I am because of my children. If you don't like me the way I am, too &*$# bad! This is whom my children need me to be! I am my children's warrior. I am my children's advocate. I am my children's mom!