Talk About Feeling Crotchety!!!

Okay, if you're a guy and you're reading this blog, please stop reading this post. It definitely is a womanly conversation!!! I'll be able to tell if you read it because if you do you won't be able to look me in the eye again! :)

Ladies, now that the coast is clear I thought I'd tell you about my lovely summer, other than what I posted yesterday. This has been my summer to take care of myself. My dear friend, Hilary, has been going through some really tough times medically and that made me think about how I have ignored my health, being more worried about Lauren, Josh, my dad and my mom. It started with a trip to a new ob/gyn after realizing that if I don't go to the doctor I'll be forced to wear a diaper due to some distinctly womanly issues. I decided I wanted a woman physician, just because she could relate more to what I'm going through. Being over 40 sure has affected my body!! Ugh. So, after the lovely woman's checkup (you know, the kind of visit that makes you sweat during the checkup so much the paper sheet clings to you) I get my orders for a mammogram.

I didn't sweat during this one. I was too busy holding my breath and wincing as some woman I've never met moves ME (ahem) around more than humanly possible. I always forget how much it really does ummmm, hurt isn't quite the word; maybe painfully uncomfortable is more appropriate! All's clear and I'm glad that's over for a year.

During my sweaty ob/gyn visit the doctor finds 2 uterine fibroids, a big one and a little one. So, she decides that I need an ultrasound, but she can't do it that day. So, I go back a week after my first visit to her and 2 days after my mammogram, for the ultrasound, the invasive kind, if you catch my drift. Yea, again, my body gets no respect, no respect! The findings? The big fibroid has to come out and it will take 3 small procedures for that to occur and for my problems to go away. While she's "there" I happen to mention that I'm tired of peeing on myself every time I sneeze, cough, run, hear running water and so the doctor mentions that I should go see the urologist.

My urologist's name is Dr. Winkel. His motto is "If you can't go tinkle, call Dr. Winkel." No joke!! So I've now had 3 visits dealing with my bladder, etc. I can tell you that I have a lovely pink lining in my bladder (yup, I've seen it) and according to the nurse my bladder can hold so much fluid that she declared it to "be the size of Texas". So there! Good quality to have when you're a teacher. Maybe I should put that on my next resume. Okay, I've digressed! Back to Dr. Winkel. My next assignment was a lovely test where they measure the level of my urinary incontinence. Needless to say, I was glad I was in what they call the wet room. Let's leave it at that. I apologized to Dr. Winkel for ummm, making things "wet" and he said "This is the only job where I get pissed on but I don't get pissed off". As you can tell, he's quite a character. A CT scan completed later on reveled no stones and no other problems. Whew!

What this all means is that I'm having surgery on Friday, August 8th. They'll remove the fibroid, do a D&C and then a uterine ablation (with a laser type of thing called Novasure). Then Dr. Winkel will do a "lift". I wonder if he can give me an eye brow lift at the same time? Hmmm, probably not! The surgery will take about 1-2 hours and I'll go home after I wake up enough to stagger out of there. I won't have any external scars, so you know what that means. Talk about being a crotchety lady! I remember when I gave birth to Lauren and Josh and they gave me these mesh underwear that had this gel pack in the crotch. You had to squeeze the gel pack, something broke and some kind of chemical reaction took place that made them cold, like an ice pack. It sounds awful now but I remember being so glad when it was time for my icy undies. I wonder if I'll get any of those this time. I sure hope so.

So, that concludes the health events of the last 2 months. Aren't you glad you didn't come along on my summer vacation? I go to the dentist in 3 weeks. Maybe I should cancel?

P.S. - None of my events can compare to what my friend Hilary is going through right now and I know that she knows that my stories are not to slight the experiences that she and her family are having this summer. If you are lucky enough to have good health with minimal concerns, like I do, remember to thank God and all your lucky stars each and every day. Love you Hil!